With Awareness Comes Choice: The Key to Intentional Living
We’ve talked a lot about the inner critic—the voice inside that loves to remind us of our perceived shortcomings, making it hard to embrace growth. Recognising that voice is a crucial first step in cultivating self-awareness, but awareness itself is much broader than just managing inner dialogue. It’s about how we interact with the world around us, how we move through life, and how we respond to challenges, joys, and everything in between.
Not long ago, during a session with my coach, I found myself sheepishly admitting, “I have a love/hate relationship with awareness.” It was one of those big, uncomfortable realisations that hit me after years of trying to nurture my relationship with myself. In her usual calm and thoughtful way, she encouraged me to dig a little deeper. And what I realised is this: awareness is powerful, yes, but it’s not a magic fix.
Becoming more self-aware doesn’t mean you suddenly float through life like a Zen master. In fact, it’s often the opposite. Awareness can feel like having a front-row seat to your own cringeworthy moments—the habits and mistakes you’ve been trying to avoid suddenly illuminated in HD. It’s like living with the lights on most of the time, and sometimes you end up shining that flashlight on things you’d much rather keep in the shadows (because they’re uncomfortable to face).
Sure, awareness brings depth and richness to life, but it’s not always easy. There are moments when you catch yourself and think, “Oh wow, is that really what I’ve been doing?” It’s tough, it’s challenging, and sometimes, it’s a little painful. But that’s the thing about awareness—it’s not about perfection, it’s about growth. And growth, as uncomfortable as it can be, is always worth the effort.
So, how aware are you of the way you show up in your daily life? Let’s dive into this exploration of awareness and see how it influences not just our thoughts, but our actions, relationships, and how we move through the world.
What Does Awareness Mean?
Awareness is the foundation of living a more intentional and balanced life. It’s the practice of being present with ourselves and the world around us—of noticing our thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, and external environment without judgment. Personally, building awareness has been significant in how I continually learn to manage stress, balance work and family, and respond to life’s demands. It has created a space where I can make better decisions and live more in alignment with my needs.
At its core, awareness means being conscious and mindful—not just of your internal world, but also of your external behaviours, actions, and the impact you have on others and the environment around you. It's about shifting from autopilot to a more intentional way of living, where you’re not just reacting to life but actively engaging with it.
Awareness goes beyond self-reflection. It invites you to see the bigger picture—how your thoughts, emotions, and actions align (or don’t) with who you want to be and how you want to show up in the world. It helps bridge the gap between how you think you’re living and how you’re actually living, giving you the insight needed to make choices that feel more authentic and aligned with your values.
But awareness isn’t just a single concept—it’s a rich, multi-layered experience. By tuning into the five channels of awareness (see below), we can gain a deeper, more holistic understanding of ourselves and how we engage with the world around us. These channels—relational, emotional, cognitive, internal sensations, and external perceptions—each provide a unique perspective, offering valuable insights into how we navigate and respond to life. Through these layers, we begin to notice patterns, challenge old habits, and open ourselves up to living more mindfully and deliberately.
With awareness, you begin to understand how your inner and outer worlds connect, helping you make more intentional choices that lead to a balanced, more fulfilling life.
What do Psychologists Have to Say?
In psychology, self-awareness is understood as the ability to focus on yourself and recognise how your actions, thoughts, or emotions align (or do not align) with internal standards or values. It is a foundational component of emotional intelligence and personal growth, involving the capacity to introspect and make conscious adjustments based on this understanding.
Psychologists have long recognised self-awareness as a central cognitive skill that differentiates humans from many other species. According to psychologist Philip Zimbardo, self-awareness allows individuals to become objects of their own attention. When we become self-aware, we can actively monitor and reflect on our behaviours, which helps us adjust or regulate those behaviours based on our goals or external feedback.
Psychologists also highlight the importance of self-awareness in mental health and well-being. Studies show that individuals with higher self-awareness are better equipped to manage stress, regulate their emotions, and foster resilience in challenging situations. Conversely, a lack of self-awareness can contribute to poor emotional regulation, unhelpful thinking patterns, and difficulties in interpersonal relationships.
Somatic Understanding of Awareness
The somatic view of awareness is rooted in the understanding that our bodies hold and express information beyond our conscious thoughts, offering a unique way to access and process experiences. Unlike a purely cognitive view that focuses on thoughts and mental processes, the somatic perspective emphasises the body's role in our awareness and how physical sensations, movements, and states of being, reflect and influence our emotions, thoughts, and behaviours.
This approach recognises that our bodies carry wisdom and have their own language—whether through sensations like tightness, relaxation, warmth, or tension. By becoming aware of these bodily experiences, we can gain deeper insights into our emotions and how they manifest in the body. For instance, noticing a clenching in the stomach or a tightening in the chest may reveal anxiety or stress that our mind has not fully processed.
The practice of somatic awareness involves tuning into the different channels of awareness, cultivating a "felt sense" of our experience rather than just analysing it. By doing so, we can access more of ourselves, develop a deeper mind-body connection, and respond to situations from a grounded, integrated place rather than from habitual reactions.
In somatic teachings, they describe the five channels of awareness which encompass the different ways we experience and respond to life. Relational awareness focuses on how we relate to everything around us—whether it’s with other people, a challenge we’re facing, an event, our own body, or even our thoughts and emotions. Emotional awareness involves tuning into our feelings, understanding their nuances and how they influence our actions. Cognitive awareness is about observing our thoughts and mental patterns, allowing us to understand how our thinking shapes our experience. Internal sensation awareness relates to our body's internal cues, like tension, relaxation, or hunger, offering a connection to our physical state. Finally, external perception awareness is the way we perceive and make sense of the world around us through our senses—sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste. Together, these channels provide a well-rounded view of our inner and outer experiences, helping us navigate life more intentionally.
Awareness in Daily Life: The Ripple Effect
Awareness is more than just being mindful—it's about how we show up, how our actions align with our values, and how those ripples spread outward to affect the world around us. Every interaction we have, whether with family, friends, or colleagues, is an opportunity to connect more deeply and move closer to our purpose.
When we interact with others, the way we show up matters. If we’re rushed, distracted, or not fully present, it can create ripples of disconnection. But when we bring intentionality and presence to our interactions, those ripples change—we create connection, understanding, and trust. This not only deepens our relationships but for me, it also brings me closer to living a life aligned with my values and intentions.
I’ve seen how a shift in awareness can change the quality of my presence. When I’m fully engaged with my family, listening without distraction, I notice the difference in how they respond. My children are more open, my husband and I communicate more effectively, and our time together feels more meaningful. Conversely, when I'm distracted by work or thoughts of the day or if I'm stressed, it's easy to miss out on those small moments of connection.
Aligning with Purpose and Values
Awareness helps us align our actions with our deeper purpose. If I value being a supportive parent, a present friend, or a compassionate leader, that awareness helps guide my behaviour in those roles. If I’m aware that I’m feeling stressed or pulled in different directions, I can choose to pause and recalibrate—moving from reacting on autopilot to responding intentionally.
For example, when I catch myself only half listening to something one of my kids is telling me, I’ve learned to notice it. That moment of awareness is a chance to realign with my intention to be a supportive and attentive parent. It’s not always easy to maintain that level of awareness, but it makes a world of difference to both how I feel as a mama and how I show up for the kids when I do.
Being Present in the Moment
Awareness is about bringing ourselves back to the present. We often miss opportunities for connection and engagement because our minds are somewhere else—either reliving the past or planning the future. Slowing down and noticing what's happening right here, right now, allows us to experience life more fully. It brings depth to conversations, helps us notice non-verbal cues, and makes our actions more intentional.
For me, it’s a daily practice. I often feel like there’s a ticking clock on my shoulder, driving me to move faster and do more. Some days, I’m able to ground myself and truly be present—embracing each moment as it comes. On other days, it’s still a struggle. But this worthwhile practice of nurturing awareness is something I am committed to working on every day.
Creating Device Free Connection
I love my phone - I am not someone who constantly blames technology and social media for all the evils of the world, however, I do believe our state of constantly being “switched on” and connected has ironically led to us all being less connected in real terms.
Dinner time, the kids' bedtime, and walks—they're sacred moments for me. They’re the times when I intentionally shift from being plugged into everything else to being fully plugged into my family and myself. In a world where distractions are endless, this hasn’t always been easy, but it's been worth every moment of presence and connection I’ve gained.
In our house, dinner is device-free. The phones stay out of reach and far from the table so we can focus on each other—the highs and lows of the day, stories from work and school, and sometimes just laughter. It’s a time to slow down, be curious about how our kids are doing, and offer our undivided attention. I’ve noticed how much more open they are when they know they have our full attention, without any notifications pulling us away.
We don't do it enough, but my husband and I take walks together when we can and our phones are in our pockets but not in our hands. These walks are our time to reconnect, talk without interruption, and just enjoy being together. It’s a way to put the world on pause and simply be in each other's presence.
With Awareness Comes Choice
With awareness comes choice—the choice to see things as they are, to understand our emotions, and to decide how we want to respond. When we develop awareness, we shift from being on autopilot to being intentional about how we show up in our lives. It’s a simple truth with profound implications for our decision-making and personal growth.
Awareness and Emotional Intelligence
Awareness is at the heart of emotional intelligence. It gives us the power to understand not just how we feel, but why we feel that way, and what effect our emotions have on others. Imagine coming home from a stressful day at work: without awareness, that stress may spill over into your interactions with family—perhaps leading to an impatient response or a lack of presence. But with awareness, there's a pause—a moment where you recognise how you're feeling and the impact it could have. And in that moment, you have a choice—to breathe, to shift your energy, and to respond in a way that aligns with who you want to be.
This process transforms our relationships, as we learn to navigate our emotions and respond with greater empathy and intention. It’s not about getting it right all the time but about choosing, moment by moment, to show up in a way that’s aligned with our values.
Revealing Patterns and Choosing New Paths
Awareness allows us to uncover the patterns and habits that may be unconsciously shaping our lives. These patterns can show up in small daily habits or bigger behaviours that affect our work, relationships, or self-care. For instance, you might notice that you often say "yes" to everything out of a need to please, or that you tend to avoid challenging conversations to keep the peace.
Once you see these patterns clearly, you gain the power to choose a different path. Instead of automatically saying "yes," you might choose to set a boundary. Instead of avoiding a conversation, you might choose to approach it with curiosity and openness. The awareness doesn’t change the situation itself—it changes your ability to respond to it, and that changes everything.
Choosing How We Grow
Ultimately, awareness creates space—a pause in the rush of life that allows us to see things more clearly. It’s in this space that we can reflect, realign our actions with our values, and choose a path that brings us closer to our purpose. Awareness gives us the gift of choice in all areas of our lives, whether it’s in our personal relationships, self-care, or professional growth. It’s the key that unlocks the ability to make decisions in a way that aligns with who we are and who we want to become.
One of the most powerful gifts of awareness is that it grows the gap between stimulus and response—the moment between something happening and how we respond to it. Often, we react to situations out of habit, without considering the bigger picture or our deeper values. But with awareness, that gap becomes larger. We create room to step back, observe our emotions and impulses, and then respond thoughtfully.
Imagine you're faced with a challenging situation at work—maybe a last-minute demand from a colleague that triggers stress or frustration. Without awareness, you might immediately react—firing off a curt email or feeling overwhelmed. But with awareness, there's a moment of pause. In that space, you can notice the emotion rising, take a breath, and choose to respond from a place of intention rather than reactivity. This shift in response doesn’t just change the outcome of that single moment; it changes the entire way you navigate challenges, making each response more aligned with your values and long-term goals.
The space that awareness creates is where intentional living is born. It’s a practice of noticing your thoughts, emotions, and patterns without judgment, and then deciding how you want to move forward. With awareness, you can see beyond your automatic reactions and instead respond in ways that honour your deeper intentions—whether that means communicating more compassionately, setting boundaries, or choosing to take time for yourself over getting caught up in being busy.
Every time we choose to respond with awareness, we reinforce our connection to ourselves and strengthen our neural pathways. We grow in emotional intelligence, deepen our relationships, and make choices that empower us to live with more purpose. It’s a practice—one that can shift how we interact with the world and how we build our future.
Practical Steps to Cultivate Awareness: Widening the Gap Between Stimulus and Response
Awareness is a skill we can develop, and with practice, we learn to create space between the things that happen around us (the stimulus) and how we choose to respond (rather than react). By increasing our awareness, we can make more thoughtful, intentional choices that align with our values and desired outcomes. Here are some practical steps to cultivate awareness and grow that gap.
Mindfulness Practices
Start Your Day with a Check-In or Meditation One of the simplest ways to cultivate awareness is by starting your day with a mindful moment. It could be a 5-minute meditation, focusing on your breath, or just a check-in where you notice how you’re feeling—physically, emotionally, and mentally. This practice sets the tone for the day, grounding you in the present moment.
Mindful Moments Throughout the Day You don’t need a dedicated practice to incorporate mindfulness; simple moments of presence can make a big difference. Take a deep breath before responding to an email, notice your body while sitting at your desk, or pay attention to how your food tastes while eating. These small acts of mindfulness help train your brain to pause and become more aware of your surroundings and reactions.
Body Scan Meditations Practices like body scan meditations can help build awareness of your physical state. By consciously scanning your body from head to toe, you can pick up on areas of tension or stress that you might otherwise miss. This awareness can help you identify how your body reacts to certain situations, giving you a cue to respond more calmly.
Observation Exercises
Observe Your Reactions Without Judgment. Throughout the day, notice how you respond to different situations, especially challenging ones. When you feel a strong emotion (e.g., anger, frustration, anxiety), pause and observe it. Ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? What are my thoughts? Where do I feel it in my body? The goal is to simply observe your reactions, not to change them or judge them. This practice builds the ability to see your reactions clearly and creates space to respond more intentionally.
Watch Your Triggers and Patterns Start paying attention to your regular habits and the things that trigger emotional reactions. For example, do you always react defensively when receiving feedback? Do certain situations cause stress or make you feel overwhelmed? By becoming more aware of these patterns, you can begin to catch yourself before you fall into habitual reactions, giving you a chance to choose a different response.
Labeling Thoughts and Emotions A powerful way to widen the gap between stimulus and response is to label your thoughts and emotions as they come up. If you feel anxious, silently say to yourself, “I am feeling anxious.” By naming the emotion, you create a level of separation from it, which helps you respond more calmly.
Journaling for Reflection and Insight
Daily Reflection Journaling Journaling is a powerful tool to build awareness. At the end of the day, take a few moments to reflect on how you showed up in different situations. Some questions to guide your journaling:
What were the highlights of my day?
How did I react to challenges or stressors?
Were my actions aligned with my values?
What went well, and what could have gone differently?
Gratitude Journaling A simple gratitude practice can also build awareness of the positive things in your life. Writing down three things you’re grateful for each day helps shift your focus and notice moments of joy, connection, or accomplishment you might have overlooked.
Intentional Journaling Use journaling to set an intention for the day. For example, you might decide to be more patient in your interactions or more present when listening to others. At the end of the day, reflect on how well you followed through and what insights emerged.
Seeking Feedback from Others
Ask for Honest, Constructive Feedback Sometimes our blind spots are best illuminated by others. Seeking feedback from trusted friends, family, or colleagues can reveal behaviours and habits we might not be aware of. Ask open-ended questions like:
What do you notice about how I handle stress?
How do you experience me in conversations?
Are there ways I could improve in my interactions with you or others?
Listening to Feedback Without Defensiveness The key to using feedback for awareness is to listen without defensiveness. Remember that feedback is a gift, and approaching it with curiosity can help you uncover insights about yourself that you may not see on your own.
Peer Accountability Find someone who is also working on cultivating mindfulness and intentionality (these friends are invaluable in our lives). Check-in with each other regularly to share observations, challenges, and progress. Having someone to reflect with can deepen your practice and offer different perspectives.
Breathing and Grounding Techniques
Intentional Breathing Breathing is a direct way to widen the gap between stimulus and response. When faced with a stressful situation, taking a few slow, deep breaths can help activate your parasympathetic nervous system (the “rest and digest” system) and bring you back to a state of calm. Practice the 4-7-8 breathing technique: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, and exhale for 8.
Grounding Exercises If you’re feeling overwhelmed or emotionally charged, grounding exercises can help you bring awareness back to the present moment. For example, try the “5-4-3-2-1” technique: name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This helps anchor you in your senses and slows down your reaction.
Movement as a Tool for Awareness
Mindful Walking Going for a walk, especially in nature, can be a wonderful way to practice mindfulness and awareness. Walk slowly and notice each step, how the ground feels beneath your feet, the sounds around you, and the rhythm of your breathing. This practice not only builds awareness but also helps create a space for processing thoughts and emotions.
Yoga or Stretching Body movement practices like yoga or stretching help build physical and emotional awareness. When you tune into your body and notice how it feels during different poses or stretches, you develop a greater sense of connection between your mind and body. These practices can help release tension, bring you back to the present, and increase your capacity to respond rather than react.
By incorporating one or more of these practices into your daily routine, you’ll gradually increase your ability to notice your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours without judgment. And in doing so, you'll widen the gap between stimulus and response, creating space for more intentional and conscious choices.
Awareness as an Ongoing Practice
Awareness is not a place we arrive at or a task to be checked off—it’s a lifelong process; one that unfolds with each new experience. Just like building a muscle, developing awareness takes continuous practice and conscious effort. It’s not about reaching a final state of being “fully aware” but about nurturing a mindset of curiosity, reflection, and growth.
In my own experience, awareness has been an ever-evolving practice. There are days when I feel deeply in tune—where I’m able to catch myself before reacting impulsively, to pause and choose my response with intention. On those days, I notice a sense of calm and connectedness with myself and others. But there are also days when the old patterns resurface—where I act out of habit, react with impatience, or feel disconnected from the present moment.
The key is to view these moments not as failures but as opportunities to deepen my practice. Every time I notice a reaction or pattern, I’m creating a chance to adjust, to choose a different path next time. And it’s in those moments of noticing and choosing that true growth happens. Over time, these small adjustments accumulate, bringing more alignment, authenticity, and clarity into how I live my life.
Awareness Is About Progress, Not Perfection
One of my most important realisations has been letting go of the need for perfection. Awareness is not about always getting it right or being perfectly present in every moment. It’s about paying attention, being honest with yourself, and allowing room for self-compassion. There will be days when you feel completely aware, making thoughtful, conscious choices, and there will be days when you slip back into old habits or get swept up in stress or distraction. Both are okay.
The magic of awareness is that it gives you permission to be human—to recognise when you’re off course, reflect on why it happened, and gently guide yourself back. It’s a practice of grace and growth, allowing yourself to be a work in progress.
Shifts in Mindset and Approach
In my journey, awareness has allowed me to see the subtleties of how I live and interact. I’ve noticed how my tendency to rush through the day can lead to surface-level conversations or a lack of true presence with my family. I’ve recognised patterns of thinking that keep me from being fully open, from the urge to “do more” to the desire to always be productive. And with that awareness has come the power to choose—sometimes to slow down, other times to listen more deeply, or to take a breath and simply be.
These small mindset shifts have transformed how I relate to myself and others. I’m more present in conversations, more attuned to my emotional state, and more intentional with how I spend my time. Awareness doesn’t change the external challenges or stresses of life, but it does change how I respond to them, opening up the possibility for growth, connection, and deeper meaning.
So if you’re just beginning to cultivate awareness, know that it’s a journey of progress, not perfection. Start small. Notice when you react, and allow that noticing to be a win. Awareness is like a light that helps you see more clearly, but it’s also like a compass, guiding you back to true north even when you stray off course.
Remember: every moment is an opportunity to practice awareness, and every time you choose to pause, reflect, and respond with intention, you are strengthening your capacity for growth and connection. Be patient with yourself, and celebrate the journey as it unfolds.
Embracing Awareness
Awareness is more than just noticing your thoughts or emotions; it’s about how you live in the world, how you show up for yourself and others, and how your presence impacts those around you. It means not only understanding the chatter of your inner world—whether it’s the inner critic, self-doubt, or even joy—but also being mindful of your external actions, and behaviours, and how they influence your relationships, work, and daily life.
When we live with awareness, we make a conscious choice to bring more intention, empathy, and alignment to our everyday interactions. It allows us to see beyond our automatic habits, to engage more deeply in our relationships, and to connect with the world from a place of authenticity and compassion.
Reflecting on How You Show Up
Awareness invites us to constantly reflect and ask ourselves: How am I showing up today? Am I fully present in my conversations, or is my attention split? Do my words and actions align with my values? How am I affecting those around me—am I contributing to a positive environment or creating stress without realising it?
By regularly reflecting on these questions, we can become more intentional in all areas of our lives. It could mean bringing more patience to family conversations, actively listening to colleagues, or simply finding moments of stillness amidst the busyness of life. Awareness bridges the gap between how we feel inside and how we choose to express that in the world outside.
Final Reflective Question:
How can you cultivate more awareness in your life starting today? What small shift can you make to live more intentionally, respond more mindfully, and show up more authentically?
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
