Is Your Inner Critic Running the Show?
In a previous blog post, we explored the concept of Immunity to Change and how subconscious competing commitments can quietly hold us back from making the changes we consciously want. Hidden fears, like the fear of failure or judgment, often act as invisible barriers, preventing us from forming new habits or fully embracing growth.
Building on that, this blog will take a deeper look at one of the key forces behind these barriers: the inner critic. This is the voice in our heads that often undermines our efforts to grow, whispering (or shouting) that we’re not good enough, that we’ll fail, or that it’s safer to stick with what we know. It magnifies fear, fuels self-doubt, and makes it even harder to break free from the patterns that hold us back.
The inner critic is, ironically, part of our internal defence mechanism—a subconscious attempt to protect us from perceived threats like failure or rejection. It’s a voice that developed to help us avoid discomfort, but as we grow, this mechanism often stops serving us. Instead of keeping us safe, it can leave us stuck, unable to move forward or embrace the changes we desire.
Join me, as I dive into how the inner critic operates, why it holds us back, and, most importantly, how we can recognise and reframe these thoughts.
The Power of Our Internal Narrative
What is the Inner Critic?
The inner critic forms part of our constant internal chatter - more specifically it is the familiar voice in our heads that constantly highlights our perceived shortcomings, doubts, and fears. It’s the internal dialogue that tells us we’re not good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. This voice tends to focus on where we fall short rather than where we’ve succeeded, often amplifying our insecurities and reinforcing feelings of inadequacy.
While the inner critic can sometimes feel like it’s protecting us—keeping us safe from failure, rejection, or discomfort—it often becomes more of a barrier than a safeguard. It holds us back from taking risks, embracing new challenges, or stepping into the growth we truly want. What might start as self-protection can quickly turn into self-sabotage, as the inner critic prevents us from reaching beyond our comfort zone.
By keeping us focused on our fears, this voice tends to reinforce a narrative of limitation, making us hesitant to take the very actions that could lead to meaningful change. The inner critic’s intentions may stem from a place of protection, but over time, it becomes clear that this voice no longer serves us. Instead, it traps us in patterns of doubt and resistance, limiting our potential to move forward.
Recognising this voice and understanding its role is the first step in learning how to navigate around it. When we can see the inner critic for what it truly is—a misguided attempt to shield us from discomfort—we can begin to soften its impact and open ourselves up to growth.
How It Shapes Our Actions
The inner critic plays a powerful role in reinforcing our competing commitments and becomes a significant barrier to change. It often amplifies the fears and doubts we already hold, making it harder to take the steps necessary for growth. When we start to envision a new habit or goal, the inner critic swoops in with a flood of negativity, reminding us of past failures or all the ways things could go wrong. This mental chatter can be so convincing that it keeps us from even trying, anchoring us to the safety of what’s familiar, even if that familiarity is what’s holding us back.
For example, the inner critic might whisper, "You’ll fail before you even begin." It convinces us that making any kind of effort will result in disappointment, so why bother? It may tell us, "You’ve tried this before, and it didn’t work,"reinforcing a sense of futility. Or it might say, "What will others think if you mess this up?" amplifying our fear of judgment and rejection. These kinds of thoughts keep us stuck in old habits or routines, even when we know change is what we need.
By continuously pointing out the risks, the inner critic prevents us from taking even the smallest actions that could lead to growth. Whether it's starting a new workout routine, applying for a job, or simply speaking up in a meeting, the inner critic creates mental roadblocks, making these actions seem insurmountable. Instead of encouraging us to take one small step, it magnifies the discomfort associated with change, making it feel safer to stay exactly where we are—even if that means staying stuck.
In this way, the inner critic not only reinforces competing commitments but also keeps us trapped in a cycle of inaction. It tells us that maintaining the status quo, no matter how unsatisfying or limiting, is preferable to the unknown risks of stepping outside our comfort zone.
My Personal Challenge: Growing My Coaching Business
I’ve faced my own inner critic time and again, particularly in growing my coaching business. On the surface, the path seems clear: show up consistently, share valuable insights, and connect with potential clients. But beneath the surface, that familiar voice—the inner critic—keeps chiming in, amplifying fears of failure, rejection, and how I’m perceived by others.
One of my biggest struggles has been the fear of failure. What if I pour my heart into this business, only to watch it fall short? What if I invest all this time and energy, and no one responds? The fear of rejection follows closely behind—how will it feel to put myself out there, only to hear silence in return? It’s hard not to internalise that kind of experience, and the critic makes sure to remind me that I should just avoid that risk altogether.
At times my confidence is impacted by this struggle - especially when showing up on social media. What should feel like an opportunity to connect often turns into a battle with self-doubt. I worry that I’ll come across as foolish or, even worse, that I don’t really know enough to be sharing in the first place. The inner critic asks, "Who do you think you are to offer advice?" and, "What if you say something that sounds ridiculous?" These thoughts can be paralysing, making it hard to fully step into visibility—something crucial for building a business, especially when it’s centred around yourself.
The fear of seeming inauthentic runs deep. I worry that people might see my posts or videos and think I’m just promoting myself or trying too hard. I don’t want to appear as if I’m putting on a façade or exaggerating my expertise. Instead, I want to share my experiences, flaws, and insights honestly—but that inner voice keeps whispering that maybe I won’t be seen that way.
All of these fears—fear of failure, fear of perception, fear of rejection—have been woven into my journey of growing my coaching business. The inner critic feeds on them, creating barriers that slow progress and make every step forward feel heavier. It’s a constant balancing act between stepping into the light, owning my expertise, and grappling with the fears that try to keep me small. And while I’m still navigating this challenge, what I’ve learned is that awareness is key. Recognising these fears, naming them, and finding ways to move forward despite them has become part of the process. Growth isn’t about being fearless; it’s about taking action, even when the fear is there.
How the Inner Critic Holds Us Back from Change
Recognising Its Patterns
The inner critic is often subtle but relentless, speaking in familiar, undermining phrases like, "You’re not good enough,""What’s the point?" or "You’ll never stick with it." These statements may feel like passing thoughts, but they have a powerful impact, shaping how we approach change and progress. This voice tends to creep in just when we're about to take action, pulling us back into self-doubt and second-guessing. It’s important to reflect on how your inner critic shows up when you try to make changes in your life—whether it's starting a new habit, stepping outside your comfort zone, or setting a new goal.
Impact on Habits and Growth
The inner critic doesn’t just voice doubts; it amplifies fears, making even small steps toward growth feel overwhelming. It can sabotage the best-laid plans by creating a cycle of self-doubt: we start doubting our ability to succeed, which leads us to stop before we even start. This kind of thinking convinces us that it’s better to avoid the possibility of failure than to risk trying.
It also fuels perfectionism, where any small setback feels like a monumental failure. The critic whispers, "If you can’t do it perfectly, don’t bother at all." This mentality traps us in inaction, making us overly critical of any progress that doesn’t meet unrealistic standards. As a result, we stay stuck, unable to embrace the incremental growth that comes from consistently showing up and taking imperfect action. Recognising this pattern is key to breaking free from it and moving toward the changes we desire, even when the inner critic is loud.
Shifting the Inner Dialogue
While the inner critic is part of the constant "chatter" or internal dialogue we all experience, this voice can feel overpowering, Kross emphasises that we can learn to harness it and shift its narrative to something more constructive. By creating emotional distance from negative chatter, we can manage the inner critic more effectively and redirect our focus toward growth rather than fear or self-doubt.
Here are a few ways you can practice distancing:
Name the Critic: Give your inner critic a name or identity separate from yourself. This helps you recognise it as just one voice, not the truth. For example, when negative self-talk arises, you can say, “Oh, there’s [Name] again,”which helps reduce its power.
Talk to Yourself in the Third Person: Studies, including those by Ethan Kross, suggest that referring to yourself in the third person can create emotional distance from the inner chatter. Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” try “[Your Name] is learning, and it’s okay to make mistakes.” This shift helps you look at the situation more objectively.
Imagine the Critic as an External Voice: Visualise your inner critic as an external person or entity. Picture it outside of yourself, talking to you from across the room. This visualisation can help you recognise it as separate from who you are.
Use Mindfulness: When you notice the inner critic taking over, pause and observe the thought without judgment. Simply acknowledge its presence without engaging with it. A simple mindfulness practice, like focusing on your breath for a few moments, can help you regain perspective and break the hold of negative thoughts.
Reframe the Thought: Once you’ve created some distance, try reframing the critic’s message. Instead of “You’ll never get this right,” say “I’m in the process of learning, and setbacks are part of growth.” This allows you to shift the narrative from self-doubt to self-compassion.
Temporal Distance: Ask yourself how you’ll feel about this situation in a week, a month, or even a year. This helps reduce the immediate impact of the negative thought and reminds you that most self-doubt is temporary.
Awareness and Self-Compassion
The first step in quieting the inner critic is becoming aware of it. Ethan Kross emphasises that our inner voice isn’t inherently harmful—it's the way we let it spiral into negative self-talk that can hold us back. The inner critic often presents itself as a voice of truth, but in reality, it’s just a narrative—one that often distorts reality and magnifies our fears. Recognising this is key to loosening its grip.
Once we’re aware of the inner critic, the next step is to meet it with self-compassion. Kross suggests that instead of getting caught up in the negative chatter, we can create distance between ourselves and these thoughts. This self-compassionate approach allows us to acknowledge the presence of the inner critic without letting it define us or our actions. Rather than battling it or trying to silence it completely, we can accept it as part of our experience and then choose to respond to ourselves with kindness and understanding.
Practice
This week, I invite you to take time to tune in to your inner critic. When those negative thoughts arise—whether it's telling you that you’re not good enough, that you’ll fail, or that you’ll never succeed—pause. Instead of letting those thoughts drive your actions, ask yourself: "Is this thought helping me grow, or is it holding me back?" Remember, your inner critic is just a story, not an absolute truth. It’s often based on old patterns or fears that no longer serve you.
Once you recognise that, take it a step further by practicing self-compassion and reframing those critical thoughts with kindness. Instead of thinking, "I’ll never figure this out," try saying to yourself, "I’m learning, and it’s okay to make mistakes along the way." Shifting your internal dialogue from criticism to encouragement will open up space for growth and allow you to move forward with a sense of compassion and possibility.
You may also notice your inner critic showing up in different ways throughout the day. Pay attention to when it rears its head—especially when you mess up or make a small, silly mistake. How are you speaking to yourself in those moments? I often catch myself using a harsh tone that I would rarely use with anyone else. This is a key part of building awareness and recognising just how much we allow our inner critic to take the wheel. When we become mindful of this, we can start to shift those automatic responses and treat ourselves with the same kindness and patience we’d offer others.
You can use the Rewriting Your Inner Dialogue Worksheet.
Do you have a story about your inner critic? I’d love to hear how you’re handling it! Leave a message below and let’s keep the conversation going.
