Letting Go of the Perfect Christmas…
The Trap of Expectations
When I think about Christmas Eve when I was younger, it was simple and joyful. My friend and I would wander through town, soaking in the festive buzz, and by the afternoon, we’d settle into a cosy pub with a glass of Baileys, feeling completely at ease. Those moments were full of connection, fun, and just enough chaos to feel festive—but never overwhelming.
Now, as an adult with kids, Christmas Eve looks very different. Somewhere along the way, it became less about ease and more about doing. Baking, prepping, hosting, wrapping—making everything just right for everyone else. I realised I’d taken on a version of Christmas that was packed with expectations, many of which I’d set for myself, often driven by cultural and societal ideas of what a “perfect Christmas” should look like.
Interestingly (and perhaps a little ironically, given my own confession), my son has always had a strong attachment to expectations—how something should look, feel, or unfold. It’s not that he wasn’t grateful, but for years, his reactions to birthdays or Christmases often carried this air of disappointment: “Oh, that wasn’t quite what I expected.” It wasn’t about getting the wrong gift or something being amiss—it was the clash between what he had envisioned and the reality.
Thankfully, he seems to be growing out of it now, but for a long time, it was hard to navigate. And, if I’m being honest, it wasn’t easy for me either. I’d find myself caught in this loop of trying to make things “just right,” believing that if I worked a little harder, or went a little faster, I could match or exceed his expectations. Ironically, the harder I tried, the higher the expectations became—until they were practically unattainable.
I wouldn’t say I’ve completely let go of my tendency to create unrealistic standards, but I am more aware of it now. I notice when I start placing expectations on myself, on situations, or on events, and I’m learning to approach things differently. It’s not about lowering the bar or giving up on making things special—it’s about recognising that less can often be more. A few meaningful, quality moments hold far greater value than many fleeting, rushed ones.
I figured I couldn’t be alone in this—and so, that’s the theme I’m exploring this week. Expectations can be a powerful force, but they don’t have to run the show. This week’s blog is all about recognising where those “shoulds” come from, letting go of the pressure to meet them, and focusing on what truly matters.
Where Do Our Expectations Come From?
Have you ever stopped to think about where your festive expectations come from? Many of us carry ideas about what Christmas should look like—a beautifully decorated home, a perfectly cooked roast, thoughtful gifts wrapped just so, and everyone gathered together in harmony. But often, these expectations aren’t entirely our own. They’re shaped by the systems we live within—society, family, and community—all of which subtly influence how we think things “should” be.
We’re surrounded by messages, from Christmas adverts showing idealised family scenes to traditions passed down that feel like rules we must follow. Even our communities and social circles can add to the pressure to keep up with certain standards or appearances. These influences often operate quietly in the background, and we don’t always realise how much they shape how we approach the season.
This weekend, I decided to challenge some of those “shoulds.” Instead of moving at a million miles an hour trying to do everything, I chose to focus on just a few things: picking out the tree, decorating the house, having a family meal, and watching a Christmas film together. It wasn’t about ticking boxes—it was about slowing down, soaking up the moment, and being present with the people who matter most.
So, here’s a question to reflect on: Where do your festive “shoulds” come from? Are they truly yours, or are they shaped by the world around you? Recognising this can help you step back and decide what traditions and expectations genuinely matter to you—and which ones you can let go of this year.
Striving for a “perfect” Christmas can come at a cost—stress, disappointment, and missing the joy of the moment. I’ve been caught in that cycle myself, raising the bar higher each year and feeling the strain it creates.
Take a moment to reflect: What might striving for perfection be costing you? Sometimes, letting go of the pressure can open the door to a more meaningful and enjoyable season.
Shifting the Focus: What Truly Matters?
In the whirlwind of the festive season, it’s easy to get swept up in trying to meet external standards—the perfect meal, the flawless decorations, the gifts that wow everyone. But what if, instead of chasing perfection, we paused to define what’s truly meaningful to us this holiday season?
Take a moment to reflect:
What are the three things that truly matter to me during the holidays?
What’s one thing I could let go of to create more space for what matters?
Practical Ways to Let Go of Expectations
Letting go of unrealistic expectations doesn’t mean giving up on making the holidays special—it’s about making space for what truly matters. Here are some simple ways to ease the pressure this season:
Simplify Tasks:
Scale back on things like gift wrapping, cooking, or decor. Not every detail needs to be Instagram-worthy!
Prioritise Experiences Over Things
Shift your focus from material expectations to meaningful experiences. Instead of stressing over finding the perfect gifts, focus on creating memories—like a walk to see Christmas lights, a cosy film night, or baking with friends or the kids.
Redefine Traditions
Let go of traditions that no longer feel meaningful or manageable. If cooking a big dinner has become a burden, consider ordering in or simplifying the menu. Remember, traditions can evolve to suit your current needs.
Be Honest About Your Capacity
Check in with yourself: What do I actually have the energy for? Be realistic about what you can take on and adjust your plans accordingly.
Manage Your Inner Critic
Pay attention to the stories you tell yourself about what you “should” be doing. When your inner critic pipes up, ask yourself: Is this expectation realistic? Who is this really for? Reframe tasks to align with what feels meaningful to you.
Set Boundaries:
Reflect on this: What’s one thing I can say “no” to this week? Whether it’s skipping a social event or scaling back a commitment, setting limits can free up time and energy for what matters most.
Which of these strategies do you think you could try this festive season? Whether it’s simplifying tasks, setting boundaries, managing your inner crisis, or being honest about your capacity, even one small shift can make a big difference.
Finding Joy in the Imperfection
The truth is, the festive season doesn't have to be flawless to be special. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that everything needs to go perfectly—the ideal meal, the spotless decorations, the memorable activities ticking every festive box. But sometimes, it’s the moments that go completely off-plan that stick with us the most.
One Christmas Eve, the kids and I decided to make gingerbread houses together. We had this vision of beautifully crafted little creations, standing tall and decorated with colourful sweets. But the reality? Every single house collapsed. No matter how much icing we used or how carefully we tried to piece them back together, they just wouldn’t hold.
At first, it felt like a disaster—especially on Christmas Eve when everything already feels a bit full-on. But then we started improvising, sticking sweets together in new ways and laughing at our lopsided, collapsing creations. That moment, far from perfect, ended up being one of our favourite memories. We still laugh about it more than any of the times when everything went smoothly.
That story reminds me that the holidays don’t need to be perfect to be meaningful. It’s the connection, the laughter, and the creativity in those imperfect moments that stay with us. This year, I’m trying to let go of the pressure to meet impossible standards and instead focus on creating space for those moments of connection—whether or not things go to plan.
As you move through this festive season, I encourage you to reflect: What brings you the most joy? What would it feel like to let go of the pressure to make everything perfect and instead focus on what truly matters?
Here’s to finding joy in the imperfection, this Christmas and beyond. 🎄✨
